5.30.2011

Typing this on an iPad

...is pretty much the only positive thing I can say about this post.

This weekend was exhausting. Some time after your second year of "adult life,", the day-after sensations of an evening conquered kind of fade and are replaced with tiredness and a hovering emotion of regret that you can never tie back to any particular event. It's one of those, "I could have stayed in and had a glass of wine and red a book" regrets. Pointless.

Anyways, life in general is great. I ended my time at the University of Texas on a higher note than expected, and my future in regards to my career and overall life excitement (one of the few intangible measures of happiness that can be somewhat quantified) seems confirmed. On the other hand, I have no tangible relationship, at least romantically, and grappling with my expectations of people continues to be a battle fought externally more often than not. As in, I don't need to dwell on my disappointments. I change what disappoints me or vent to close friends about whatever iniquity I'm faced with.

That's where this blog comes in. I usually don't even publish what I write--by the time I'm finished authoring a post, I've untangled whatever mess of feelings I have come to write about in the first place and no longer give a shit about sharing it.

Today, though, is different, because I don't even know what's wrong. I have externalized all of the hang-ups I could source, but right now I feel betrayed, abandoned and disrespected. It involves someone specific but is not necessarily their fault my emotions are pulverized. Pummeled is an appropriate verb to describe the process it took for me to arrive at this cold and disconnected place, because it happened so slowly and I felt every blow. I knew where the game was headed before the hammer was even raised.

And now I am lost in my own post, once again. I've nothing to say, and likely no real counsel can be given aside from "Awwww feel better!" If I can just hold others to their own standards rather than my own, perhaps I can find a little peace with human kind.

I hope you enjoyed getting lost in a directionless post for 45 seconds.

6 comments:

Dafrastar said...

You are right, your post was somewhat confusing. But isn't life in general? I am sorry for the way you feel, but you should maybe try to talk it out with the person in question. You said that you saw things unravel slowly, and felt "every blow"; maybe you should decide that you are better than that, and refuse to suffer. Let them know they are hurting you, even if not on purpose; if they continue, remove yourself from the situation and walk away.

Anonymous said...

Hello, this is terribly mercenary of me but... it's all in the name of friendship!

I've made a birthday gift blog for a friend of mine and I am hoping you, or your readers, might want to stop by to make it special. Of course, If you would rather not, I perfectly understand.

If, on the other hand, you're interested - I would very much welcome you at:

http://bestexoticmarigoldhotel.blogspot.in/

Thank you so much - and please pardon the crassness of the whole thing!

les lunettes de soleil lady said...



lunettes de soleil great post, I like.

lunettes de soleil pas cher great post, I like.

Chaussures pas cher great post, I like.

Chaussures pas cher femmes great post, I like.

replica louis vuitton great post, I like.

replica louis vuitton handbags great post, I like.

cheap nfl jerseys great post, I like.

cheap jerseys wholesale great post, I like.

wholesale jerseys great post, I like.

baskets basses pas cher great post, I like.

chaussures basket pas cher great post, I like.

Nike NFL Jerseys great post, I like.

Nike NFL Elite Jerseys great post, I like.

Sac A Main Pas Cher great post, I like.

sac pas cher great post, I like.

wholesale nfl jerseys great post, I like.

2012 NFL Jerseys great post, I like.

new nfl jerseys great post, I like.

lunettes de soleil Carrera great post, I like.

lunettes de soleil Carrera homme great post, I like.

KodeKodeKode said...

i want to share about education, like snipet code for PHP, ASP.Net, Jquery, HTML5, CSS, Jquery Mobile, C#, VB, Sql Server KodeKodeKode

Midway said...

so..... garlic bread? XD

Unknown said...

Claim free bet now! Limited time offer!