New Music: Beyonce and Britney, bitches

So Beyonce's new album dropped today. And it's not that great. There isn't a single song that even compares to "Upgrade U" or "Ring the Alarm," and forget about "Crazy In Love"--there's just no denying that I Am...Sasha Fierce is a major step down in musical quality from B'Day and Dangerously In Love.

THAT SAID, however, it's still a solid R&B/pop album with some seriously sick tracks. (I feel I must mention Beyonce's position in the industry is officially at risk; Rihanna offers everything Beyonce offers, except authenticity, and garners a helluva lot more publicity.) While "Radio" is a ripoff of Fergie's offbeat musical style, "Diva" is ridiculous good. Like, number-one-for-twelve-weeks good. With a simmering high hat and one of the best hooks in recent memory, "Diva" is simultaneously a signature Beyonce track and a complete departure; it's grimy and rough, but believable. I mean, really, she's Jigga's wife. There's no one in the industry more qualified to sing "a diva's a female version of a hustla/of a of a hustla" than Beyonce, the now and forever Queen of Hip Hop. Rihanna may be a style goddess, but she doesn't command power like Beyonce.

After a few listens, though, one does wonder how it would sound with Rihanna's of-the-now vocals.

Now, we all knew it would happen, but who thought it would be so soon? Britney's entire album Circus leaked online this week, and I'm not the only one voicing my opinion of the new tracks. In general I'm gathering a lukewarm reception among Britney fans--lots of "more of the same" comments--but I couldn't disagree more. I think the tracks are fantastically produced and Britney sounds wholly present in every song. I forgot what a non-drugged, non-drunk, non-digitized (LOLZ yeah right.) Britney sounded like, but listening to "If U Seek Amy," the last four years of bald, paparazzi-dating-Britney seem to just disappear. Aside from "Amy," truly her most lyrically clever song ever and one of her most fun, "Kill The Lights" and "Mannequin" are just killer. The chorus of "Kill The Lights" is particularly strong, with a sequence of heavy breathing reminiscent of "Break The Ice" off Blackout.

It's both a good and bad time for music. On one hand, superstars are releasing albums left and right (The Killers and Kanye are next), but our expectations are high. Beyonce could not reach them, but I sincerely hope the others can.

Long Live The Queen

A few things, 2nd edition

1. Ghostland Observatory put on an amazing show last night. Their opening act, I think named DJ Boothe, was actually amazing as well, something I didn't expect. He totally transformed Stubb's from a BBQ rock venue into what I image a rave in Buenos Aires would be like, complete with glowsticks and diet coke with a little "extra."

2. My new boots. They will kick your ass.

3ish. Old, old picture. I took an old sweater and cut it in half to form a deconstructed cardigan. This photo also demonstrates two other design details I've taken on; wearing dark blues with black and voting pins. The voting pin thing, eh, it ended on November 4th. But I thought it was kitcshy and of the moment, and the tilted, thrown-together look was perfect for the summer-to-fall transition.


4. My favorite detail. I no longer tie around shoes. Not my boots, not my Lacostes, nor my cons. I tie around the lip in a circle or around my ankle. It freshens up what I consider a waaaay overplayed shoe. Really, Converse is not an attractive shoe. Especially the black and white versions, essentially substitutions for "style" when people have none. This elevates the look a bit and catches the viewer off guard. I certainly don't think this would be for everyone, but with shorts or long jeans (where you tie outside the pant), try it out.

5. The Great Magazine Die-Off needs to end. Now. Two of my favorite reads--including Men's Vogue--have been canceled by Conde-Nast. Clearly, I subscribe to a few magazines, ranging from TIME to Entertainment Weekly to Bon Appetit. Reading magazines is simply the easiest way to read, and the layouts and designs of some inspire me in my advertising work.

Dear internet,

Don't kill the magazines.

Love,

The H.A.

New Music: David "lil' Archy" Archuleta, Paris Hilton, and far more relevant artists

The past few weeks of music releases have been strong. Not strong in the lasting sense--no one's going to care about Lloyd or David Archuleta's new releases ten years from now--but as a sensory distraction, nothing can beat "Year of the Lover," off Lloyd's Lessons In Love, functioning as this fall's "Bed." It's dirty, but it's beautiful. Lloyd comes off a little lizardy in my opinion, slithering around in a manner far too like a salmonilla-spreading komodo dragon, and that detracts from the believability of the track. (I'm not sure calling Lloyd "lizardy" constitutes an argument, but listen and you'll get me.)

If there's one thing studying at UT has taught me, the weekends are all about letting loose. Interpret that as you will, but two songs I never would have listened to have been brought to my attention by the kind DJs of 6th. "Swing," from some irrelevant "rapper" that is too unimportant to be named, is an infectious track with a bass line so deep is basically encourages drunken girls with fake IDs to grind until one of them passes out. Literally, I (or he, or she, or you) walk into a venue, and if "Swing" is playing, I (or he, or she, or you) will follow his commands: "Oh sh**/shake that a**/now move it like you're tipsy/...drop it low, down to the floor..." Sick. The only knock I have against "Swing" is Soulja Boy's verse, the musical equivalent of vomit on a birthday cake. Watch out, SB wants you to "let him" pull "yo hurr." Really, pull her hair? That's hot now?

The other track is an ancient Jibbs number called "King Kong." Funny story: the first time I ever heard this track was in Finish Line Sports with two friends of mine. One of them, Kevin, was bobbing to the beat (=faggoty sentence, sry), and I totally blew it off. That was over two years ago.

"King Kong" is a blast. It's so straightforward. There's really nothing beyond a chopped and screwed vocal sample as a clever metaphor for massive car speakers. In fact, speakers so heavy they flatten tires and make the "doors fall off." Jibbs, like the rapper behind "Swing," is certainly not a player in the industry this year, but he's got a great sense of humor. Remember "Chain Hang Low?" You know, the creepy track with children singing modified nursery rhymes about gangster bling?

I'm so sick of writing about Kylie Minogue. I don't like her near as much as my blog would lead you to believe. She's fun, but I can only use the word "glittery" as her musical description so many times before...well, before I just stop writing about her. "Nu-di-ty," a track I resisted for a while, is wholly worth a $1.07 purchase. Off X, her now-defunct "comeback" album (that I don't hate), "Nu-di-ty" sounds like a better version of Britney's "Piece of Me." Admittedly, it's odd hearing a fully-grown, married mother commanding, "let me see nudity," telling her partner to "expose it," but at least she hasn't developed that scary stretched-face muscleman syndrome so common in her elderpop counterparts. You know who I'm talking about. The beat hops and changes tempo constantly, synchronizing with the jumpy vocal samples; the production on "Nu" is better than your typical pop track, which is why it won't be a hit, but it's also why it's worth your time.

The Killers have a new single out called "Spaceman," and it's kind of a disappointment. I was really hoping for a Sam Sparro-esque influence for their upcoming album, but it sounds like they'll be going for a Sam's Town/Hot Fuss hybrid. Blippy production with cryptic lyrics and obnoxious vocal flourishes from Flowers.

David Archuleta released his debut album this Tuesday, and while it's getting ravaged by critics, I happen to like a few of the tracks. "Running" is nice--the critics' darling--but, like the rest of the album, it's boring. Nice, though. "Touch My Hand" is scaled-back and emotional, hinting at a bright future for Archuleta. It's clear by the cover art that Clive Davis will be pushing for a more grown-up image--the Jonas Brothers have the tween market carved clean--and I wonder how radio will respond. "Crush" was fluttery and accesible, but "Touch" will be the real test of his mettle.

Now, for the grand opus of guilty pleasures. Paris Hilton, in case you didn't know, released a horrid album a year or so ago, to little commercial fanfare. She had some random reggae track called "Stars Are Blind," which was too lyrically confusing to be enjoyed by a Paris Hilton fan, who's reading experience likely chalks up to the back of cereal boxes and the track listings for old Backstreet Boys' albums. BUT, her second single, "Nothing In This World," is one of those irresistable tempations in life, like reading People at the checkout line or watching Into The Blue, and after two years I gave in and downloaded it. The chorus is, um, kind of like an exploding pinata, and if the song was a pinata, "Nothing In This World" would definitely be made out of paper mache, and would definitely contain those nasty candy neclaces. If you can tell, I'm avoiding any direct compliments to this track, which is simply a reflection of my natural instincts telling me to avoid humiliation.

New Britney Promo=FAIL

I'm not sure what Britney's camp was going for here. Kind of creepy/ugly/"Is this how you want me to pose?"

None of those things are good things.

For many good things, however, here's a link to a full-on stream of five songs from Circus. It's going to be good. And, as always, all seven of you can look forward to a full review come December 3rd.

"Mannequin," "Kill The Lights," and "Out From Under" are looking like early standouts.


Yeah...not sure that "don't rape me" face expression is helping things.

UPDATE: The more I listen to that stream, the more excited I get. "If You Seek Amy" (get it?) is fantastic. "Circus" is fantastic. Like, I guess that means they're all fantastic. Ugh. Need new descriptive adjectives.

The Purchase 11.07.08

In three days, these will be on my feet.

A few things

Firstly, has anyone else ever visited Hipster Runoff? I found it, literally, by coincidence, completing a project for the agency I'm working for. It's one of the most authentic blogs I've ever found on the internet. Inspiring, too, considering the writer is pretty much me if I shopped at Urban Outfitters more often and blogged about Bjork. He writes stream-of-consciousness, and shortens every word. It's refreshing.

I shorten words, too. I have an entire lexicon I'm slowly integrating into society. Mug, tran, OOC, DTS, FML, SB, DBJ my life, mench. The list goes on.



Whatever, the bottom line is that The Hipster Runoff is far funnier and more clever than I will ever be.


The shortlist:
1. Jibb's "King Kong" from 2006's ...featuring Jibbs is my new favorite work of art.
2. Jordin Sparks' "Freeze" is not that bad.
3. Cut Copy's remix of CSS's "Move" is horrid.