F MY LIFE

Now Lindsay Lohan is reading my blog. I HATE THIS MAKE IT STOP!!!

Music: Beck, Kerli

I don't really understand my iPod's "played count" ticker. There are songs I listen to on repeat for weeks, and other songs I forget about (or avoid)--my little iPod ticker, however, disagrees.

Case in point: Sam Sparro's debut has been spinning (incorrect usage, but a nice alternative to "playing") on my iPod for two weeks now. The most plays on a single song are 20. 20? On an album I can't stop listening to?

How is that possible?

More gruesome than that is how many other songs end up with twenty to thirty-plus plays without my intentionally listening. Lindsay Lohan's "Bossy," a song that lost it's sheen for me about seven plays in, has a count of 18. "I'm Grown," by the ultra-typical, ultra-embarrassing Tiffany Evans, has 12. Janet's "LUV" has 52.

There are many more instances of this music ticker enigma, on both sides of the equation. The Caeser's "Jerk It Out" and the X-Ecutioner's "Like This" have under 20 plays, but I feel like I've been listening to them for eternity.

But on to the important stuff. Today is a good music Tuesday.

We'll start with Kerli, as at least one reader is interested in hearing what I have to say about our Estonian-born Avril Lavigne lookalike. Firstly, my ego won't allow me to continue until I brag about how I had Kerli's EP in January. Oh, that's right (cue evil grin). It all started when I played Burnout: Paradise and heard "Creepshow," a track so off the chain I don't really know how to describe it with regular adjectives. It's not musically pleasant, per se, but you've got to respect an artist like Kerli for totally relinquishing any fears about public perception and letting it all hang out in her North American debut. That doesn't mean it's always healthy to do so, however; Love Is Dead is the musical equivalent of a Moulin Rouge circus in the middle of Iceland. The musical effects are so bizarre, especially on adventurous songs like "Creepshow," that it's difficult to listen to the album unless your working out or in a seriously chilled mood; really, it's difficult to listen to period. Even "Walking On Air," a fluffy track with tinklings of ice crystals and a decent hook, is only so-so for me. (I gave it up in February.) Granted, Eastern-European pop has never been my bag--Bjork's show at last year's ACL did not change my mind--and Kerli is most definitely channeling her heritage. Good for her, though. I'll just stick with "Creepshow."

Beck's new album dropped today. I'm not as thrilled as I was in 2006, for The Information, but that album left me so empty I have no Beckcitement left. (oh, I made a lol!) I don't mean that in a good way; music is supposed to help fight boredom, not induce it. Modern Guilt displays a new, Spoon-influenced sound for Beck, and it's actually not that boring! My favorite track, and the only track I would recommend putting down cash for, is the title track. "Modern Guilt" has Beck cooing his raspiest, most nonchalant vocal against a perky bass line and piano peppering the background. The end is weak, though, as Beck seems to just fall off the song into a repetitive murmuring of "lalas" and other Blink-182 fillers. Guero still Beck's strongest album with his strongest songs, and I'm afraid Guilt won't change that.

3OH!3 and Imogen Heap's return on the way...

Sam Sparro (!) and Lindsay Lohan (?)

Kind of a dry week for music. Katy Perry's new material was just so-so, I'm not into Coldplay, and radio's gone to crap since Justin Timberlake's "My Love" left the airwaves a year ago.

For whatever reason, however, dance tracks are getting hotter and hotter. Music typically fluctuates in one big group--think of seaweed being swayed by oceanic currents--so it's odd that music as a whole can be so weak while bass-heavy techno is consistently impressing me. But who cares? If I can work out to it, it's on my iPod and being played.

Lindsay Lohan. Yeah, she's pretty ridiculous. I say ridiculous because part of me kind of wants to like her--the whole Samantha Ronson business has suddenly made her edgy--but at the same time, it's Lindsay Fricking Lohan. She's the queen of rehab and everything fake, all the way down to her obsession with leggings, something that has clearly gone to the wayside of what's vogue (unless you're Mary-Kate Olsen, which means you wear whatever is most likely to scare away young fans). She's a got a new album coming out, though, and I didn't think her first was so bad. Granted, I do not own a single track, but I don't hate Lindsay Lohan the vocalist. I liked that "Daughter to Father" song, or whatever it was. Not bad. Her new stuff, though, is pretty bad.

But that hasn't stopped me from listening to it!

Her "lead" single, "Bossy," was released a month ago, but it's so bad no one's paid any attention. I found it accidentally two days ago, and even now I'm not sure exactly how I ended up on her iTunes page. But that's water under the bridge now. The track is boring and uninventive, with production that is literally scraping the bottom of the barrel. It's got clubby synths and a persistent beat, and that's it. Luckily for Lohan, Ne-Yo provided her with some seriously addictive lyrics, including the anti-climactic (but methamphetamine-infused) chorus, where Lohan rings out, "I'm just a little bossy/I like it how I like it when I like it/that's just the way it is." Ne-Yo can inject a little personality into everything he writes, and "Bossy" is no exception.

Also great is the iTunes free single of the week, "Black and Gold" by Sparro, an artist destined to become the next 'It Boy' of faux-hipster circles. This track is also ridiculous, but in the best way possible. Sparro rants on about evolution and stars and crap, but that's not why anyone's listening to "Black and Gold." They're listening for Sparro's jello-thick, '80's inspired vocals and thumping bass reminiscent of the early days of disco. The instrumentals have a rolling, relentless quality to them--like riding a horse or running a marathon. Ironically, Sparro sings, "it's all just a bunch of matter"--meaning, pretty much everything beyond the bass line is, well, unnecessary.



For the record: I am entirely unimpressed by Hercules and Love Affair.


UPDATE: Sam Sparro is not only the best artist I've found in recent memory--as in, this past week--but is far better than I gave him credit for above. He is a wonder.