Sam Sparro (!) and Lindsay Lohan (?)

Kind of a dry week for music. Katy Perry's new material was just so-so, I'm not into Coldplay, and radio's gone to crap since Justin Timberlake's "My Love" left the airwaves a year ago.

For whatever reason, however, dance tracks are getting hotter and hotter. Music typically fluctuates in one big group--think of seaweed being swayed by oceanic currents--so it's odd that music as a whole can be so weak while bass-heavy techno is consistently impressing me. But who cares? If I can work out to it, it's on my iPod and being played.

Lindsay Lohan. Yeah, she's pretty ridiculous. I say ridiculous because part of me kind of wants to like her--the whole Samantha Ronson business has suddenly made her edgy--but at the same time, it's Lindsay Fricking Lohan. She's the queen of rehab and everything fake, all the way down to her obsession with leggings, something that has clearly gone to the wayside of what's vogue (unless you're Mary-Kate Olsen, which means you wear whatever is most likely to scare away young fans). She's a got a new album coming out, though, and I didn't think her first was so bad. Granted, I do not own a single track, but I don't hate Lindsay Lohan the vocalist. I liked that "Daughter to Father" song, or whatever it was. Not bad. Her new stuff, though, is pretty bad.

But that hasn't stopped me from listening to it!

Her "lead" single, "Bossy," was released a month ago, but it's so bad no one's paid any attention. I found it accidentally two days ago, and even now I'm not sure exactly how I ended up on her iTunes page. But that's water under the bridge now. The track is boring and uninventive, with production that is literally scraping the bottom of the barrel. It's got clubby synths and a persistent beat, and that's it. Luckily for Lohan, Ne-Yo provided her with some seriously addictive lyrics, including the anti-climactic (but methamphetamine-infused) chorus, where Lohan rings out, "I'm just a little bossy/I like it how I like it when I like it/that's just the way it is." Ne-Yo can inject a little personality into everything he writes, and "Bossy" is no exception.

Also great is the iTunes free single of the week, "Black and Gold" by Sparro, an artist destined to become the next 'It Boy' of faux-hipster circles. This track is also ridiculous, but in the best way possible. Sparro rants on about evolution and stars and crap, but that's not why anyone's listening to "Black and Gold." They're listening for Sparro's jello-thick, '80's inspired vocals and thumping bass reminiscent of the early days of disco. The instrumentals have a rolling, relentless quality to them--like riding a horse or running a marathon. Ironically, Sparro sings, "it's all just a bunch of matter"--meaning, pretty much everything beyond the bass line is, well, unnecessary.



For the record: I am entirely unimpressed by Hercules and Love Affair.


UPDATE: Sam Sparro is not only the best artist I've found in recent memory--as in, this past week--but is far better than I gave him credit for above. He is a wonder.